Sarah Palin and I are both lame ducks...by Sybil Sage

After twenty-nine years of marriage, I could fairly be called a lame duck wife, whose family and friends are bored with my anecdotes and mustard chicken. I am, therefore, announcing that it will be better for everyone in New York State if I pass the torch and let someone else do the talking and cooking for my family.

This does not mean that I won't be useful to my loved ones. I'm wired to be useful, but I do not need a title to serve. My resolution followed the realization that I have no intention of marrying again so it makes perfect sense to terminate this marriage, which is what I will do in three weeks.

Greatlovelookup.com: online support for adulterers

Greatlovelookup.com e-mailed me today, introducing their site as a “Discreet Dating Community For Married People, and for Single People that want to meet and date unhappy married people.”

Greatlovelookup.com needs editing. Among the many grammatical errors is that the description should read…”for single people who want to meet and date unhappy married people.” And I suspect they mean “unhappily married people,” rather than downers.

Did someone steer them to me? Perhaps a vindictive Nigerian I'd ignored? Did my husband receive the same opportunity? Should I be concerned that he’s now at his computer?

The options provided are:

Press here if you want to have an affair with a married woman or man
Press here if you're in a relationship and want to have an affair
Press here if you want to have an affair with a married person

Missing is the reason that would tempt me: “Press here if you’re happily married, but looking to connect with politicians to have a voice in the nation’s health plan.”

The evidence is married people manage to have adulterous relationships without assistance. Could it be that this website was generated by spouses looking to catch their mates? Or by Mark Sanford’s spiritual advisor? (I'm aware that's a sentence fragment).

Adios from the East Coast Broad - by Sybil Adelman Sage

This is an expression of thanks to our loyal readers and notification that I will be on vacation from Dec. 2 to Dec. 16. If you find yourself in blog withdrawal, I recommend The Borowitz Report and 236.com.

FOXENFREUDE - by Sybil Adelman Sage

Many on Fox-TV are manifesting symptoms of post-election Schadenfreude or "Foxenfreude," eagerly anticipating the ways Obama might fail, unable to wait for an actual slip-up.

Bill O'Reilly, the leader of the pack, has been relentlessly inviting guests into his so-called "spin-free zone" to poke away at Obama's every policy and cabinet selection. Ironically, these pundits tend to be the same ones who accused liberals of rooting against our country and being anti-American for questioning the validity of the war in Iraq or challenging the torture of prisoners.

It's worth noting that we didn't charge out of the gate to undermine W. during his transition period. We waited for him to screw up (his area of expertise) before calling him on it.

With almost two more months of air time to fill, O'Reilly may have to cast a wider net, in which case future shows will likely include interviews with right wing:

-Child psychologists attesting to the likelihood of the Obama girls, however adorable now, turning into rebellious teenagers as a result of being compelled to make their own beds while living in The White House.

-Dog trainers anticipating that pets whose poop is picked up by the children in a family will become confused and neurotic, perhaps even attacking foreign visitors and having to be euthenized;

-Educators citing that the Quaker, non-competitive atmosphere of Sidwell Friends will discourage Malia and Sasha, who will be self-satisfied and never develop leadership skills, therefore limited to careers as unpaid interns;

-Housekeepers balking that having children doing chores cuts into their jobs and threatens the economy of the country.

There IS, indeed, a permanent record - by Sybil Adelman Sage

"This will go on your permanent record," public school teachers used to warn us, hoping to encourage effort and ward off cheating by suggesting that our fifth grade math test scores would be indelibly attached to our resume. The fact is this wasn't entirely bogus.

Wedding announcements in The New York Times include college graduation honors - or absence thereof. This is the case even for couples in their 70's and regardless of what they've accomplished in the many decades since flinging their college graduation caps into the air. "The bride graduated from Brandeis magna cum laude," suggests she's settling if the octogenarian at her side didn't get a "magna" on his diploma. The paper stops short of saying, "She will be keeping her own name because his class rank was below hers."

Our marriage wasn't in the paper. My fear was someone at NYU would find it interesting that my husband and I are both alumni, take a look at our transcripts and discover I'd graduated without having taken the required botany course. My diploma, still rolled up in its original mailing tube, feels subject to recall. Almost as terrifying is the prospect of my Hebrew school attendance record being revealed, just one of the reasons I never ran for public office.

Even at retirement age, I remain cowed by my permanent record.

HOW MANY PRESIDENTS? by Sybil Adelman Sage

How many Presidents does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many Presidents does it take to effect change? Two when one is George W. Bush, the lamest of the lame ducks.

Seeing the Obama team spring into action with daily press conferences, a leader who gives answers that are neither condescending nor designed to dodge and is realistic about the difficulties all serve to highlight the absurdity of the past eight years. Even in these most troubled of times, there's a beacon of light.

As for changing a lightbulb? Maybe W. is capable of that. He did have a busy day; he pardoned a turkey. Why the bird is being flown First Class to Disneyland during an economic crisis eludes me, but maybe it's for the safety of the turkey, who's likely to be the only edible thing on board. We can all take a moment tomorrow to give thanks that Bush will soon be gone.

Note to Laura Bush: if you get the book deal, you can be candid. There's no danger your husband will read this or any other book.

ANN COULTER RENDERED MUTE: A Prayer is Answered - by Sybil Adelman Sage

Many of us, if asked for a list of people we'd like never to hear speak again, would place Ann Coulter in the top five so there will be no flags lowered because of the report that the author of "If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans" and "How to Talk to a Liberal" had her jaw wired shut due to an injury. Does her attack weapon being out of commission qualify her for Workmen's Compensation? ?

Details have not been revealed. A well-deserved punch? Can we look forward to Bill O'Reilly being next?