Friday, August 7, 2009

"Bill Clinton...or else!" -- by Sybil Adelman Sage

There's been speculation that caving to Kim Jong-Il's ultimatum that journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling would be released contingent on Bill Clinton appearing in North Korea could lead to other demands. They may be right.

The Chinese government announced it will cancel the trials of two men who'd pushed for official inquiries into the causes of school collapses during the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan Province only if Bill Clinton comes to China, helps build earthquake-proof school buildings and eats their heavily-peppered chicken specialty.

Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad agreed to ease up attacks on the protestors and replace his beige jacket providing Bill Clinton comes to Iran and accepts him as a friend on Facebook.

Wal-Mart stipulated that it will develop a more responsible and sustainable policy only if Bill Clinton will be the spokesperson for the company.

New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced he will prohibit cars from driving on all Manhattan streets and serve four more terms unless Bill Clinton makes a You Tube video with him.

Bunk twelve at Camp Indian Head is refusing to clean up their bunk unless Bill Clinton is hired as their tennis counselor.

Bill Clinton, proud of his success, has offered to help resolve the feud between Heidi Klum and Elle Mac Pherson.

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