Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Poodles rule...by Sybil Adelman Sage

There's a new stud out there, the Matthew McConaughey of the dog world. This top dog is the poodle, prized because it's known to be intelligent, trainable and non-allergenic. Isn't that what we all look for in a mate? Plus, it doesn't shed!

Unattached poodles are all the rage and have the pick of the litter in the dog community. These mixed marriages have produced an assortment of hybrids with cute names, such as:

poodle + cocker spaniel = cockapoo

poodle + labrador = labradoodle

poodle + bichon frise = bish-poo

poodle + fox hound = foodle

poodle + border collie = bordoodle

poodle + chihuahua = chi-poo

poodle + beagle = poogle


If poodles were to be mated with stars, consider the adorable naming possibilities:

poodle + Brad Pitt = pittpoo

poodle + Amanda Peet = peepoo

poodle + Steve Carell = carpetpoo

poodle + P. Diddy = Diddydoodle

poodle + Shia LaBouef = Shiapet-poo

poodle + Derek Jeter = Yankeedoodle

Cross-nursing a baby? Trickle down theory from cross-nursing a man? ...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Cross-nursing, breastfeeding a baby other than your own, is on the rise, according to an editor of Babytalk magazine who appeared on "Good Morning America."

Though it was not uncommon in the 1920's to use a wet nurse when a mother wasn't able to breastfeed, this is not a category we expect to see posted on Craigslist these days. In a poll done by the magazine, 45% of respondents said they find cross-nursing "disgusting" or "weird", markedly different from the response to the Chinese policewoman who was seen as a national hero for nursing nine babies after the earthquake.

Is the re-emergence of nursing another woman's baby an example of the trickle down theory? A spin-off from the more widespread practice of cross-nursing another woman's husband?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

shake, rattle and roll...by judi sadowsky

for the first time in seven or eight years, we had an earthquake. not an enormous one, only a 5.4, but certainly large enough to get your attention and rattle your nerves. for those of you who are lucky enough to have never experienced the thrill of a sudden jolting, shaking and rolling not only of your home, furniture, books and appliances, but the actual earth, you don't know what you are missing. experiencing an earthquake is strangely reminiscent of taking a ride in the spin cycle of an old washing machine.

having dwelled in los angeles for thirty-eight years, i have lived through many earthquakes, both large and small, and here is what i think. earthquakes are a lot like childbirth. when you are going through one you swear you are moving to colorado on the next train out. "that's it" i scream to the husband each time. "i am out of here. this is no way to live". he nods and pretends to agree with me. he knows what is coming. just like the new mother who seriously contemplates leaving a colicky baby on the firehouse steps, we earthquake survivors swear we are done with this city forever. but then after a few days, weeks at the most, after the earth's form of colic has stopped and the after shocks have worn them selves out, we begin to be seduced, once again, by this city.

earthquakes in february - we could be buried somewhere under ten feet of snow. august, it could be a hurricane that drowns us in our sleep and let's not talk about the mid west any time of the year. between tornadoes and floods it's a wonder those people get anything done. so we look around at our baby - los angeles - and she smiles her sunny smile at us. she takes her first steps over and over again on her broad white beaches and we are smitten. just like with childbirth, we forget all about the terror and fear, and go on along our merry way.

after each quake the "experts" predict that the big one is just around the corner. every time i hear that i go into my files and grab the old brochures i have collected on boulder, colorado. i gaze longingly at the the greenery and the majestic mountains, which to my knowledge have never moved, or if they did, they do it very slowly, and i dream about a land where you can actually count on the ground. but just like with children, you get what you get and you learn to live with it, but i want to go on record right here and now, that come the big one, i am out of here and colorado bound.

and by the way, smug new yorkers out there, you have earthquake faults there as well. it is just a matter of time before you will be checking out the condos next door to me in boulder.

Monday, July 28, 2008

God Gets Back to Obama...by Sybil Adelman Sage

We learned from the Israeli newspaper, Maariv, what Obama wrote in the note to God stuck into the Western Wall, and now Bicoastal Broads has decided not to take the High Road and report on God's response, which was as follows:


It's not my habit to personally answer notes shoved into the Western Wall and, believe me (as I know you do), this won't happen again, so don't spread it around.

I'm over the top flattered that you took the time to write to me. Afghanistan, Iraq, Jordan, the West Bank, Israel, Germany, France, England -- that's a lot to fit into one week. Sure, I managed to create it all in six days, but let me remind you we each need a day of downtown. Who do you think introduced the Power Nap?!!

This is my 5768th year in the hope business, and I've always worked alone. Change is a fair message. Hope starts to step onto my toes. The High Road is mine. Keep in mind it's not pretty when I get jealous: no more Mr. Nice God.

Google it and it is yours...by Sybil Adelman Sage

What might be the cause of the unusual burning sensation on the side of my tongue? Though neither my dentist nor my periodontist could be sure, Google came through, identifying it as "burning mouth syndrome," not uncommon among women who've gone off hormone replacement therapy.

This discovery was transformative, and Google replaced my primary care physician, our dog's vet, well, pretty much every authority I've ever turned to. How do I remove discoloration from my tub? What has Valerie Harper been doing? Which sunscreen should I be taking? When are hurricanes most apt to hit Mexico? Is this itching caused by antibiotics, or an ingredient in detergent?

I'm one search away from anything I want to know. The only problem is Google a symptom and you're convinced you have the condition. I've turned into my own Mayo Clinic. It used to be only medical students who identified with what they learned about. Now you Google it and it's yours.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

If I were advising Obama and McCain...by Sybil Adelman Sage

On Saturday McCain's campaign criticized Obama for canceling a visit to wounded troops in Germany, contending Obama chose foreign leaders and cheering Europeans over "injured American heroes." If I were advising Obama, I'd have had him respond that McCain passed over some egg stands, cheese stores and German sausage vendors this week, moving on to other photo ops.

And while McCain has been pressing Obama to admit he was wrong about the surge, I'd have whispered in Obama's ear that he could remind McCain he'd once promised Americans, including the 4100 who died there, this was the right war and that we'd be out of Iraq before you could say, "falafel."

If I were advising McCain, I'd point out he sounds like a petulant sore loser when he brags, "Obama would rather lose a war than lose an election while I'd rather lose an election than lose a war." If that statement is to be made at all, which is questionable, why not delegate it to Joe Lieberman?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

the secret to fool proof weight loss...by judi sadowsky

there is new study out that concludes that dieters who write down everything they eat lose up to twice as much weight as dieters who eat without writing. i was curious, and always on the lookout for the magic bullet of weight loss, so i did some research.

it seems that just the mere act of writing foods down was not enough, as i had hoped, to make you lose weight. you actually had to be careful what you ate as well. bummer. wouldn't it be great to have a cheeseburger, side order of fries, chocolate malt and a hot fudge sundae to wash it down and all you had to do was confess on the page and all would be forgiven. no way, jose.

so, it seems, that not only do you have to write every morsel of food down, you have to eat carefully and review, at the end of each day, all you had eaten. if that weren't enough to scare the pounds off you, you then have to go to another person and let them read your food diary - everyday! just who that person would be is beyond me. i can barely get the husband to read this blog. i am sure a page or two of tuna salad and hard boiled eggs would put him right to sleep.

but, you have to believe the researchers and so today i started my food diary and i think it is going to work. it is very hard to pick up a chocolate chip cookie without first putting down your pen and visa versa. i suppose i could try to develop a left handed cookie grab but that sounds too much like an athletic activity which is, by the way, another component to the food diary thing. all of this is making me very tired and hungry. hmmm? i wish i could remember where i hid those cookies? i should have written it down.

Obama's Thesisgate...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Some are suggesting there may be something sinister about Obama's missing college thesis (described as a 25-page paper, not an actual honors thesis) on Soviet disarmament. Neither the candidate, the university or his professor is able to turn over the A paper.

This has me concerned. Were we supposed to hold onto our college papers? Even those of us with byte-sized closet space in Manhattan apartments, who would then have no room for linens?

Do we know who's raised the issue? Is it the Republicans? The angry Hillary holdouts, so capable of holding onto things, including grudges? Or might it be a conspiracy on the part of self-storage facilities?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Reception on New York Street Identifies a Woman's Age...by Sybil Adelman Sage

At county fairs a woman may pay to have her age guessed, but on the streets of New York this service is provided free of charge. A specific comment is targeted to a particular age range, as follows:


"Aw, how adorable. How old is she?" -- birth to 6 years

"Can you get her to stop?" -- 5 to 10

"Loose joints?" -- 12 to 30

Lewd sounds from construction site workers -- 13 to late 40's

"I'm hungry. Can you help me get dinner?" -- 23 & up

"Do you have a minute for Obama?" -- 18 to 45

"How old is she?" -- 90 & up

"Do you have a minute for Greenpeace, Gay Rights, the environment?" -- 18 to death

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Equal Opportunity Lying...by Sybil Adelman Sage

It's not only politicians and unfaithful married men who lie. Women have learned they, too, can profit by lying.

A British judge just sentenced a married couple, Anne and John Darwin, to more than six years in prison for faking his drowning death in order to collect $500,000 in insurance payments. They'd staged the death in an apparent canoe accident in 2002, seemingly unconcerned about the grief this would inflict on their two adult sons. The plot started to unravel when the "dead man" walked into a London police station claiming to have amnesia. Among the more serious problems the sons, in their 20's, are likely to be facing is finding suitable Mothers and Fathers Day cards for these parents.

Another lie revealed in today's New York Times is the topic of a new memoir, "Can You Ever Forgive Me?" by Lee Israel, a biographer and editor who spent two years forging over 400 letters purported to have been written by the likes of Fannie Brice, Dorothy Parker and Lillian Hellman. She sold them for $40 each to New York's Argosy Books. Argosy owner, Naomi Hample, would also have to search to find a card expressing the feelings she must have for the woman who cost her thousands of dollars.

And then there are the women who've been forced to lie, the 100 Chinese immigrants working in a Queens sweatshop, Jin Shun, making clothing for the Gap, Banana Republic, Urban Apparel, Macy's and Victoria's Secret, being paid $3.79 an hour, but compelled to tell government inspectors they were getting the minimum wage and to falsify their timecards so as not to reveal their 10 hour shifts and toiling for as many as 120 consecutive days without time off. These women, given their paltry pay, probably aren't spending money on cards.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

not as young as we think...by judi sadowsky

our grown daughter has been staying with us for the past few weeks and it certainly has been an eye opener. there is huge difference between the teenager that left home for college so many years ago and the woman that has returned.

the teenager would sulk around the kitchen in the morning not allowing anyone to speak with her. the grown daughter, not only speaks and is cheerful in the morning, she even puts the coffee on. the teenager left her room in a constant state of chaos, the grown woman cleans her room and even offers to throw in a load of laundry for us. the teenager would jump up from the dinner table as soon as the last crumb on her plate was finished while the grown daughter hangs around for conversation and helps with the clearing and washing up. the teenager always complained that there was nothing good to eat in the house while the adult actually goes to the market.

we've come up with a really good system that, up until yesterday, seemed to be working very well. each of us would leave a shopping list on a post-it stuck to the computer. whoever was going to the store first just grabbed both lists and got whatever was needed. yesterday i was on my way to the store and grabbed the lists without even looking. it wasn't until i was in the produce section that i read through my daughter's list. it was the usual: milk (2%) o.j. (fresh squeezed) eggs (organic) all her items came with a parenthesis. at the very bottom of the list was heart defibrillator (for the home). i stopped dead in my tracks. first of all, i didn't even know that our local market even sold medical supplies (they don't) and secondly, just who was this defibrillator for?

"well", my daughter hemmed and hawed later when i asked her, "you know, you and dad are not getting any younger and i just thought it would be a good idea to have this around...you know...just in case". i love having my daughter here and i love that she is concerned for us but i must admit that i liked it better when she was teenager who screamed at us "i wish you were dead" rather than an adult who really actually worries about that eventuality.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's time for Get Real Barbie...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Mattel's vision of Barbie includes the likes of Je Ne Sais Quoi Barbie, Beverly Hills Couture Barbie, Hard Rock Cafe Barbie, Badgley Mischka Bridal Barbie, Cabaret & Wizard of Oz Barbie and if you want a working woman Barbie, there's expensively attired Tyler Wentworth, all of whom would aptly be called Trust Fund Barbies, affluent and impervious to the realities women are facing. If Batman gets reconceived and renewed, shouldn't Mattel update Barbie? I'm proposing they introduce a line of Get Real Barbies.

Little girls still on the success track can choose from Presidential Candidate Barbie, complete with a selection of pantsuits, Justice Barbie Bader Ginsburg in a Supreme Court robe and Secretary of State Barbie, whose hair doesn't move.

Representing a larger group of the population:

Pink slip Barbie would be a surefire hit, familiar to all who've lost their jobs due to downsizing. She has only one outfit, surely not couture, and would be an ideal gift for former Wall Streeters and Starbucks employees.

Katrina Barbie is accompanied by a tiny trailer that contains formaldehyde, rendering it uninhabitable. She's getting support from Habitat for Humanity Barbie, trying to restore New Orleans with a little hammer.

Eco Barbie is in native Northern California dress and vegan Earth Shoes, with a tiny Prius that contains a reusable shopping bag filled with locally grown, pesticide-free produce.

Polygamist Barbies come in a set, all identically dressed in long, pastel, cotton with braided hair piled atop their heads, and one husband.

Dolls of the World Barbie, while available in French and Spanish versions, should be extended. Cambodian Barbie has a tiny t-shirt she's pieced together in a sweatshop and is packaged with the mother she rarely sees as her only work opportunities are in the sex trade in Thailand. African Barbie is HIV positive and has a distended stomach, the result of the hunger crisis. Trafficked Barbie comes from a variety of countries, is locked in a brothel without her passport.

The Politically Correct Barbie line is comprised of Same Sex Marriage Barbie and Bobbie, Adoptive Mom Barbie with her Chinese daughter, In-vitro Mom Barbie, who's 50 years older than her tiny twins and Bob formerly Barbie, who's had surgery to correct her gender.

And for those of us old enough to appreciate her, how about Menopausal Barbie, who's prone to flashes and carries a fan in her tiny, leather satchel bag.

Monday, July 21, 2008

How much would you pay for William Shatner's kidney stone? by Sybil Adelman Sage

Last fall, when William Shatner had surgery to remove a kidney stone, he was alert and prescient enough to ask to hold onto the stone, which allowed him to sell it for $25,000 with the money going to Habitat for Humanity, who used it to help a family that had been left homeless by Hurricane Katrina. Why anyone would pay $25,000 for Willian Shatner's kidney stone is an enigma to me. JFK's rocking chair it's not.

Stars are now mining their lives as subsidiary rights, perhaps the most profitable being the first photo of the Brangelina twins, which reportedly went for $11 million. Having more kids is one of the more profitable of their joint ventures.

Expect to see discarded nose tips and flabby neck folds stars are having removed by cosmetic surgeons on e-Bay.

just call me doctor...by judi sadowsky

for eight years, arnold kim has been writing a blog about apple, the computer company. his blog now attracts more than 4.4 million people and 40 million page views a month. that's right people, 4.4 MILLION hits a month. arnold is doing so well that he has decided to give up his day job - his day job, as a DOCTOR, specializing in diseases of the kidney.

i don't mean to yell at you, but come on folks. sybil and i have been slaving away at this blog (well, to be honest, mostly sybil, but i do try to hold up my end) for over a year, and if i told you how many hits we get a month, you would be ashamed. if either of us actually had a day job, you could be damn sure we would not be giving it up. dr. kim, after all his years of schooling and residency and internship, has found blogging to be, not only be his true passion, but a huge money maker as well. what are we doing wrong?

if two writers can not make a financial success of a blog, while a doctor can, there is only one logical conclusiion to draw. come the fall i am enrolling in medical school.

What Maliki really said...by Sybil Adelman Sage

The New York Times has gotten a copy of the actual interview audio from Der Speigel, which was:

"Obama's remarks, that if he takes office in 16 months he would withdraw the forces, we think that this period could increase or decrease a little, but that it could be suitable to end the presence of the forces in Iraq." He continued, "Who wants to exit in a quicker way has a better assessment of the situation in Iraq."

It's conceivable that without pressure from the White House, Maliki might have said, "American troops are like fish. They start to stink after three days."

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Team Obama Scoring on Tour...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Barack Obama's troop withdrawal plan got a high five from Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, who said in an interview with the German Der Spiegel magazine that he approves of the presidential candidate's plan to withdraw in 16 months. "I promise I'll pull out," has, once again, proved to be persuasive.

There are rumbles that Obama's three pointers have not gone unnoticed by the NBA.

If his winning streak continues, he may find himself accused of taking performance enhancement drugs.

Friday, July 18, 2008

New nightmares for postmenopausal women...by Sybil Adelman Sage

According to a study published this week, regularly getting nine hours or more of sleep per night may increase the risk of stroke in postmenopausal women. The 5 percent of the 93,000 women studied, who were aged 50 to 79, claimed they get nine hours or more of sleep nightly and that's the same group that had a 60-70% higher risk of stroke compared to women who get seven hours of sleep a night. There appears to be an increased stroke risk among women who got six hours of sleep a night or less, but the effect was smaller, only 14% higher.

Some 4 percent reported getting nine hours while 1 percent said they get 10 hours or more. This is the group whose husbands, clearly, have not sparked to the online Viagra opportunities.

The experimenters don't appear to have factored in trips to the kitchen and bathroom, which many of us post-menopausal women like to think of as aerobic activity.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Bush takes Guy Talk to new Heights...by Sybil Adelman Sage

There are lies women have come to associate with privilege, the privilege of being male. We've all heard, "I'll call you during the week...I would never hurt you...Things aren't the way they seem...I just need more time...I can't leave her now, but I will."

George W. Bush has extended the definition of privilege to include the right to disclose absolutely nothing. He's insisting his administration's refusal to support that Michael Mukasey comply with a White House panel requesting material related to the leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity is not an attempt to cover up anything. He's maintaining it's a way of protecting the separation of powers and integrity of future Justice Department investigations of the White House. If Bush's arguments are Cheney-driven, as has been suggested, this places the vice-president in the role of the dominating wife. "Tell them the administration is not accountable," would be the new, "Tell her it's over."

The White House is operating on the principle that guys can get away with anything.

If we believe what our president repeatedly asserts -- and some small percentage of Americans still do -- the fault always lies elsewhere. "The press doesn't understand me" is the new, "She doesn't understand me."

"The American people have been safe under my watch" is the new, "I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"The war in Iraq is going swimmingly," is the new, "Hey, these things take time. I'm doing everything I can."

"There is no recession," is the new, "You're being paranoid. She's just a friend."


If this president is adept at anything, it's guy talk, trying to make us feel good, however bleak the reality. He's the right one to ask, "Honey, do I need to lose weight?"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

he's smart but can he cha cha?...by judi sadowsky

first he wasn't black enough. then, according to some, he was too black. he didn't wear a flag pin, then he wore one. michelle was too outspoken and didn't wear nylons. and then, of course there was the infamous "fist bump", a sure sign of terrorist's leanings. yes sir. there were many "logical" reasons not to vote for obama.

today i heard the best one of all. barak obama does not have a sense of humor. all the columnists and late night comedians are up in arms because the "o" man has nothing funny about him. he doesn't cheat on his wife or fall down stairs or mispronounce "nuclear". apparently, the ability to yuk it up seems to be number one on the list of voter's requirements in a commander-in-chief.

as far as i can tell, we have had a comedian, a good old boy, the kind of man's man that like to throw back a few with the boys, give everyone he meets humiliating and degrading nicknames and likes to snicker and sneer when in the presence of world leaders, for the past seven years. yes sir, this guy is quite a card. just what the doctor ordered and look where he has gotten us. i don't have to list for you, yet again, the trouble this country is in and we have only one person to thank for it - "chuckles the clown".

so, if all the american voters are looking for is a good punch line, then, by all means, vote for mc cain. the only problem is, i am afraid that if we go for the man with the laughs, instead of the brains, the joke will be on us.

Reflections as the bodies of Israeli soldiers return to Israel...by Sybil Adelman Sage

They returned to Israel today, Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev, the two young soldiers, who'd been taken captive by Hezbollah guerrillas during the 2006 war in Lebanon...in black coffins, an unbearably painful confirmation of the deepest fears of families, friends and those of us who'd been praying and holding out hope for their safe return.

Their bodies were turned over in exchange for Israel giving back the remains of 199 fighters and five Lebanese prisoners, including Samir Kantar, imprisoned since 1979 after being found guilty of killing a policeman and then Danny Haran in front of his 4-year-old daughter, Einat, whom he later killed by crushing her skull.

The distress in Israel was a stark contrast to the rejoicing in Lebanon, where the men were greeted as heroes with a red carpet, brass band and signs reading, "Israel is shedding tears of pain" and "Lebanon is shedding tears of joy."

It's easy to react with rage. The desire to seek revenge is understandable. But nobody wins when the cycle of violence continues.

Today is a day to reflect on alternatives, organizations such as The Parents Circle (Israeli and Palestinian families who've united as a result of losing loved ones in the conflict) and Rabbis for Human Rights, who turn their pain and passion into promoting healing and unity. However unlikely, it's these alliances that may be our only chance for breaking the pattern.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

"The New Yorker" cover, McCain, Obama and how they affect comedy...by Sybil Adelman Sage

This is an all-inclusive post addressing pretty much everything related to the 2008 race being discussed today with most agreeing "The New Yorker" had the right to create the controversial cover just as Obama was entitled to object to it, and McCain, after criticizing the cover, disclosed that he's learning how to use the Internet, which must be exciting for the Viagra websites, bringing us to the article in today's "New York Times" about comics finding it hard to make Obama jokes, a combination of political correctness and his being so polished but, thankfully, we have 188 more days of a president whose flaws are a gift to comedians though perhaps nobody else.

Monday, July 14, 2008

angelina, hagen daaz and me...by judi sdowsky

yesterday i took a mental health day. i stayed in my nightgown all day. i never showered nor brushed my teeth. i ate bad food and read a really trashy novel. i was happy. at peace with the knowledge that i was not contributing one thing to the community, the country, the world, the planet or the universe. then i made a fatal mistake. i went on line.

that is when i found out that angelina had just given birth to twins. perfect twins, of course. a boy and a girl. the newest jolie-pitt daughter has an actually normal name (unusual these days for movie stars. we do still remember apple and sunday) vivienne. the new son, not so normal. they have named him knox. i'm sorry, i can't help but think of gelatin. i know it is a generational thing, but i can remember when we thought that a healthy, daily dose of knox gelatin would insure beautiful and sturdy nails. at any rate, while i was laying about in my nightgown, angelina was popping out twins while still managing to look gorgeous. she now has six little critters under her belt and from the sound of things they are no where near being done. she has become this generations mia farrow.

the news of angelina's babies ruined my perfect day. what have i done lately? it seems so long ago since i popped out my measly two children, i felt like i was no longer holding up my end. but, i must admit, that after half a pint of hagen daaz and a bag of doritos all that angst faded and i settled back with my trashy novel. there is a lot to be said for trash. no offense angelina.

"Just Kidding" -- the John McCain Iran Comedy Tour. by Sybil Adelman Sage

"Just kidding" isn't cutting it in Iran, demonstrated by their refusal to laugh off John McCain's joke that the rising U.S. cigarette exports to the Islamic Republic may be "a way of killing 'em." McCain has surely not been their favorite comic for some time, likely dating back to his having sung in jest about bombing their country.

I, too, am never appeased by, "just kidding," finding it lame, unconvincing, a follow-up offense from someone trying to deny responsibility for a hostile remark that was not amusing. When a line is truly funny, the listener identifies it as a joke. We've all experienced the frustration of confronting a person about a hurtful comment only to be dismissed by, "I was just kidding." It's a response that's not even as reflective as, "my bad." Far better to listen, learn and express genuine remorse.

McCain, if he can work up some more anti-Iranian material, may be able to get a recording contract and show on al-Jazeera. Just kidding!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

iPhone, uPhone, we all scream for iPhone...by Sybil Adelman Sage

The iPhone is yet another item we didn't know we needed until we were told we do, others being the foam mattress topper, facial scrub and lava lamp, but those didn't require an alpha gene to acquire. In the Business section (likely to be the next to go) of today's New York Times, we learn that some six million original iPhone users were trying to get into stores yesterday desperate to upgrade to new software, competing with virgin buyers (though not in Virgin stores) of the new iPhone 3G, who were frantic to get their hands on the new model.

Lines of shoppers wrapped around the block at Apple and AT&T stores with some shoppers paying people to hold their spot. It's not impossible a few were there because they'd spotted a line and mistakenly assumed there was a job opening or rock concert.

Again, my husband was right. "Get a Blackberry," he'd said.

Friday, July 11, 2008

What's Still Worth Driving For? ...by Sybil Adelman Sage

An article in today's New York Times addresses the impact of the cost of gas on college students, most of whom live off campus, who are now enrolling in far greater numbers in online classes. Those commuting to two-year community colleges are most affected, but the situation exists in some four-year colleges as well.

We'll know the true impact of this crisis when statistics reveal:

-How far college students will drive to hook up and/or binge drink

-Will Costco shoppers buy in yet larger quantities to reduce the number of trips

-Are women in Los Angeles slacking off on cosmetic repairs and psychic healers

-How many New Yorkers will cut out the trips to Fairway

-Are northern Californians buying or selling more hybrid cars

-Could this lead to the demise of malls, day camps, Dia Beacon, weekend country homes and rural brothels in Las Vegas

Thursday, July 10, 2008

gas pains in los angeles...by judi sadowsky

living in los angeles, i am pretty certain that of all the large cities in america, we are the hardest hit when it comes to this gasoline crisis. i say that because, we not only have more cars per person than anyone where else, probably on the planet, we also have the least amount of public transportation.

a lot has changed in the last few months since gasoline prices in the west l.a. area have been hovering around $5.oo a gallon. the first thing i noticed was that suddenly, the unbearable traffic has become, dare i say it, bearable. you can actually get across town in forty minutes, these days, instead of the usual hour and a half. i also noticed that more and more people are riding bicycles and, i know you won't believe this but, i have actually seen people walking.

people are really feeling the impact of the downturn in the economy. the other day, i listened in awe, as two girlfriends, neither of whom would think twice about spending $500 for a pair of shoes, argued over who was going to drive on a field trip they were taking downtown to the museum. the loser got the job because she drove a hybrid.

Breaking News: Polygamist leader Warren Jeffs released from hospital...by Sybil Sage

Polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs, 52, has been released from the Las Vegas hospital where he was taken as a result of medical problems encountered while he was awaiting trial in an Arizona jail.

He was charged with four counts of sexual misconduct and being involved in marriages between older men and underage girls, a crime in Arizona though considered an achievement in Hollywood.

His stay, however brief, may have challenged the hospital policy as to how many wives are permitted in a patient's room at one time.

Who's Sorry Now? by Sybil Adelman Sage

Today it's Jesse Jackson. He's apologizing for having said, "Barack, he's talking down to black people," a comment that was picked up on an open mike during a break from taping "Fox & Friends" though a cruder remark of his was bleeped.

Breaking from pattern, George W. Bush is saying he's sorry today. It's about what someone else has done: an American soldier who pierced 14 holes in the Quran during target practice. To be fair, our president did admit to being wrong once and called LA Times reporter Peter Wallsten to apologize for having teased him about wearing dark glasses at a Rose Garden press conference, explaining he wasn't aware the journalist has Stargardt's disease, which affects vision. There's no explanation for Bush's lack of vision.

Obama, too, is publicly saying he's sorry -- that he had his family appear on television -- but this is a regret, as opposed to an apology. Both he and McCain have, however, expressed remorse that they'd used the word "wasted" in relation to our troops in Iraq. Jimmy Carter, too, apologized to a Jewish audience that he'd sounded like an apologist for suicide bombers in his book. Being a politician means always having to say you're sorry...except in the case of our present administration.

It may be time for colleges to add a course in apologizing for poly sci majors. Much of the curriculum should address how to respond when your embarrassing sexual exploits have been revealed. The formula in play is: a remorseful apology + wife at side = hope it'll go away. There is no shortage of public figures well equipped to teach that class.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Travel companies cancel "Former Axis of Evil Tours"...by Sybil Adelman Sage

In a reaction to Iran's testing of nine missiles, plans have been scrapped by such high end travel companies as Butterfield & Robinson and Abercrombie & Kent to introduce "Former Axis of Evil Tours," which were being created in anticipation of the election of Barack Obama.

This is disappointing to cyclists who'd been looking forward to visiting such exotic Iranian cities as Isfahan, where they would see "the bazaar, cool blue mosaics and majestic buildings with afternoons free to shop for rugs, followed by a dinner of Faisenjan and Shesh Andaze."

Hikers hoping to visit Iraq's Green Zone can put away their water bottles as they will not be able to "Dine on aubergine fritters in the predominantly Kurdish city of Mosul, where our day begins with a visit to the Prophet Younis Mosque, after which we will admire the Oriental character of Iraq's third largest city before continuing on to Baghdad."

The North Korea tours have also been put on hold so there will be no Americans "Bowing to the 25 meter tall statue of Kim II Sung in Mansudae with an overnight stay at the Hyangsan Hotel in Mt. Myohang before seeing the International Friendship Exhibition and partaking of a dinner of kimchi, kuksu and pulgogi, also offering an optional extension to Beijing."

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Pet owners favor McCain...by Sybil Adelman Sage

An AP-Yahoo News poll revealed that pet owners favor McCain over Obama 42 percent to 37 percent, with dog owners particularly barking and lifting their legs at Obama, who, unlike the Republican candidate, does not own a pet.

Pet owners appear to feel more admiration for other pet owners, overlooking that George W. Bush shows more feeling for his dog, Barney, than he does for Americans without health care coverage or civil liberties, the returning war veterans along with those who didn't return home. Pet owners, get your heads out of the wee wee pads and give more thought to your priorities.

McCain is also the favorite of white Americans over the age of 65. It's being theorized that we are more comfortable voting for people with whom we have something in common. Given this premise, we are likely to learn from future polls that McCain also fares better with:

-Men married to plastic-looking heiresses with huge balances on their credit cards;

-Surge supporters;

-People who rely too heavily on teleprompters;

-Type A personalities in need of anger management.

Monday, July 7, 2008

what's in a name?...by judi sadowsky

i want to send a shout out to keith urban and nicole kidman on the birth of their baby girl. i am very happy for them - we all know how much nicole wanted to give birth. the fact that she has two adopted children with tom cruise apparently did not satisfy her maternal instincts and so, with a new husband, she now has a new baby. it is a good thing, since she seems to have given up on her two other children and given them over to tom and katie to raise but, who am i to judge?

she is not unlike so many hollywood stars who move from husband to husband as easily as the rest of us throw out paper towels, so i say bravo, nicole. but i am bitterly disappointed in the name she has chosen for her new daughter. she has named her sunday rose. a nice enough name and sunday is a bit unusual, but puleez! here was a woman who was handed a naming opportunity that would have left gwenyth's apple and katie's suri in the dust. i mean can't you just see it. the daughter of nicole kidman and keith urban - it is just screaming out to you. sub. that's right sub urban. can you just die. it is too perfect. i had heard rumors that while beautiful, nicole was none to bright. well, this just confirms it. sunday rose kidman urban may turn out to be tall, beautiful and no doubt able to carry a tune, but can you just imagine who she could have been if only her parents had had the foresight to name her sub.

Americans are created equal...not. by Sybil Adelman Sage

There are those born to poverty and those born to privilege. While they both have the same freedom of speech, some will learn the difference between adjectives and adverbs in schools with small classes and get orthodonture if they need it.

There are those who ride mountain bikes, seemingly effortlessly, long distances up steep mountains at high elevations on hot days and others who need cholesterol medication at the age of eight.

There are those who listen and those who wait for you to stop talking.

There are those who have several homes and there are those, including veterans, who have no home and rely on the generosity of strangers.

We are united as Americans and every four years have the chance to jump start the country. Encourage everyone within earshot to vote. If your Starbucks was one of the 600 that was closed because of the economy, remind others who can no longer fill their gas tank or get a tall, skinny latte that McCain admitted to knowing nothing about economics.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

now i know why they call it the golden years...by judi sadowsky

gas prices and the unemployment rates keep rising. people are losing their homes and their jobs and what is dominating the news? madonna is having an affair with alex rodriquez. for those of you who are living under a rock, or not in los angeles or new york, it seems that the pop diva has been cheating on her husband of seven years with the yankee third baseman.

but wait, it gets better. while a-rod has been keeping mrs. richie company in new york, mrs. rodriquez has flown to paris and into the arms of lenny kravitz. try to keep up. all this is going on while guy richie is at home in london with the three kids, only one of which is his. one is madonna's daughter by a former lover, and popular new york trainer, and one is the malawan baby madonna adopted a few years ago with much publicity and fanfare.

this is all very exciting and titillating but here is the best part. the lady in question, the heart breaker and home wrecker is FIFTY!! that's right folks this is a senior citizen who is suddenly showing up at yankee games in a-rod's reserved seats turning her into AARP's version of jessica simpson. what a world. i am so glad i no longer have to worry about the war or the economy. i have bigger things to obsess about. there is one swinging senior out there having a great time and i just want to make sure her heart will hold out.

Who's Most Ready on Day 1? by Sybil Adelman Sage

It's never clear whom I'll wake up with on Sunday morning, not because I'm promiscuous, but because my husband likes to sleep with the TV on. Today's early morning talking heads were reflecting on the candidates' strengths and flaws. Of particular interest to them this week was whether or not the terrorists will test our next president, the pro-McCain argument being he would be best prepared to head directly from the inauguration to dealing with terrorism.

Nobody pointed out that McCain, being so closely linked to Bush with respect to the war, might be very ready to respond to any attack by waging war on Iran, which seems to intrigue the current administraation and its party planners.

I woke up with Joe Lieberman. Had I slept another ten minutes, I could have woken with Ted Koeppel. It's an argument for sleeping later on Sundays.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

A New Yorker in Vail...by Sybil Sage

A friend runs the music festival in Vail so we made our way here, passing through passes though not sure what passes are. In the East, we have streets, highways, freeways and routes, but nothing is named "Pass" near us. There is no Rye Pass, no "Bronx Pass"so right away we're on foreign turf, but we push on.

Vail is pretty, largely because nature and money have been plentiful. Where we get lost is aside from the music festival, what people do here is hike. Some are on mountain bikes and a few are riding the rapids, but hiking is required and I have put on my tennis shoes. Nothing I do in these shoes is fun for me and with the new suitcase restrictions imposed by airlines, I resent the room they take up in a suitcase.

Vail Pass is at 10,000 feet so it's different from Vail, which is ohly 8,000 feet, proving Pass has an important distinction. I'd like to pass on hiking, but I'm afraid they will take away my room if I don't so I'm going to something right now called a trail. I'm told to bring a water bottle and not a credit card. Life is strange here.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Mormons at Fashion Week? by Sybil Adelman Sage

Fashion Week may be more colorful next year as the Mormon polygamist wives are getting into the clothing business, introducing a new line of pastel, cotton children's clothing they're hoping to sell on their web site.

This should be a relief to parents whose kids had been running around the house demanding, "Get me clothes like those!" after seeing the sherbet-frocked women on television.

The entrepreneurs are counting on an interest in modest clothes. My advice would be - before going into mass production -- they should visit New York's Meatpacking District to get an idea of what those who don't live on a Texas ranch are wearing.

Being offered are dresses, overalls, shirts, pants, nightgowns, sleepers, onesies for babies and, the ever-popular, ankle-to-wrist underwear so many of us have been clamoring for. If there's a demand, they would consider adding women's apparel.

If this catches on, look to other religions to follow. The knock-off shops on Canal Street are, no doubt, clearing shelves to make room.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Madonna and Angelina Jolie sightings...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Madonna and her husband were spotted at a restaurant last night, which created a buzz about whether their marital problems may have been grossly exaggerated or if they were deliberately having dinner at a New York restaurant to dispel such speculation.

I took an introductory course in philosophy, but never one in logic. Does eating out with your husband rule out your having an affair with Alex Rodriguez? Is that true for everyone? How about a woman having dinner with Alex Rodriguez? What does it mean that my husband and I are going out for sushi tonight? Can I conclude neither he nor I are involved with Alex Rodriguez? Is the same true for every other couple in every other restaurant? Poor A-Rod. Is he all alone and ordering in?

If you ever feel sheepish about not spending your time more productively, who are the people who report the Madonna and Angelina Jolie sightings?

look ma, no hands!...by judi sadowsky

yesterday was the first day the new california, hands free cell phone law, went into effect. i, like so many of my fellow californians, was dreading it. many saw it as yet another example of the government meddling in their private lives. it was bad enough that we could no longer smoke indoors, anywhere, in california, or that we had to wear seat belts, creasing our favorite outfits and taking away our right to kill ourselves on the freeway. now, we could no longer hold a cell phone to our ears while driving 65 miles per hour on a freeway. we would no longer be allowed to hold a cell phone, even while driving 25 miles per hour through a school zone. what was the world coming to?

well, guess what. hands free has turned out to be a god send. after only one day, i have come to see the wisdom in this decision. the hand that used to hold the cell phone is now free to do so many other things. while driving with one hand and talking on speaker phone, i am now able to apply make-up, eat my lunch or even text message (for some strange reason text messaging is not illegal while driving).

the best part of the hands free situation is that it has come just in time for those of us of a certain age. you know who i am talking about. we who have started talking, out loud, to ourselves. while once viewed as crazy, as i moved my lips and gestured wildly while driving, now i am seen as someone with something important to say. maybe an agent with a huge movie star client, or a stock broker closing some major deal, worth millions. yes sir. hands free has transformed me, in the eyes of the world, from a loony, middle aged housewife to a mogul.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

tits and ass...by judi sadowsky

i just flew in from vegas and boy are my arms tired. seriously folks, vegas, or as the husband likes to call it "sin city", is the pits. it was only 107 degrees outside when we landed and 65 degrees in our room. vegas is nothing if not a city of contradictions.

there are ten million people, at the very least, in vegas at any given time, and eight million of them were staying in our hotel. you see a cross section of america in las vegas and i can honestly say that america is ugly!!! there are more people in spandex than at any olympic venue. these are people who should know better. these are people who should know that spandex is a privilege, not a right. we saw more naked and near naked people and that was just in the casino. the rule of the day seemed to be the less clothing the better - and everyone smokes.

it is a really strange place where you can go to an "all you can eat buffet" costing only $22 a person and then buy a small cup of gelato for $14. we came to vegas to see bette midler and she was terrific, but this being vegas, there were fifty half-naked show girls sharing the stage with bette. it was the first better midler concert i have ever been to where she wasn't the tackiest person on stage. i guess people come to vegas to see showgirls with naked butts, but i wanted to see bette and her special brand of tackiness. it was all a great disappointment and to top it all off, the forty-five minute flight is nothing but a turbulence machine.

i was very happy to get home. maybe i am getting old and cranky but when they took the coins out of the slot machines and replaced them with paper coupons i knew it was time to stay home. all i can say is thank god what goes on in vegas stays in vegas. can you imagine if it followed you home?

Amber Alert for Moe, the Chimp...by Sybil Adelman Sage

Moe, a 42-year-old chimpanzee who is toilet-trained and able to eat with a knife and fork, is believed to be at large in a Southern California forest after he'd escaped from his cage at Jungle Exotics, which trains animals for the entertainment industry.

A weekend search in the San Bernardino National Forest was fruitless, leaving Moe's owners, who've raised him for more than three decades, bereft.

Given his show biz connections and social skills, someone should check The Ivy or Spago, where Moe's credentials could have gotten him a good table. He may be having a power lunch with industry big shots.