forget diamonds. you can keep your furs and fancy sports cars. i just got the best birthday present of my life. yesterday, it came in the mail, a skinny white envelope - from the dmv. the department of motor vehicles was renewing my drivers license - through the mail!!!
there will be no long lines for me to wait on. no wasting an entire day studying the drivers ed manual. the truth is that after over thirty-seven years of driving, i still can not tell you how many car lengths one should stay behind a weight bearing truck, on a mountain road. the actual truth is, that in thirty-seven years, i have never once been behind a weight bearing truck on a mountain road and if i were, i think i would just pull over, have a nice picnic, and wait until the coast was clear.
the one thing that does bother me a bit about renewing my license through the mail is that the dmv is actually relying on me to be honest about any and all vision changes. how many times have i ridden behind an older person (defined, by the way, as anyone older than me) cursing them out as being too slow, or even worse, blind as a bat? do you think those people lied on their driver's license renewal form? i shudder to think. after all, not everyone is as honest as i, and to tell the truth, even though my vision may not be as sharp as it once was, it certainly is not something i feel a need to share with a government agency.
and here is the best part of having your license renewed through the mail. they will be sending me my new license with my old photo, height and weight. yes sir, not only has the dmv given me the gift of no hassle renewal, they are also giving me the gift of eternal youth.