Thursday, April 17, 2008

sister wives - the wave of the future? by judi sadowsky

i too, like the rest of the country, have been glued to the television watching the story of hundreds of wives and children who have been forcibly removed from their homes, on a church of the latter day saints compound, in texas. while the cause for the wholesale removal of women and children is frightening, the glimpse into these people's life style is fascinating.
their hairstyles and dress, harking back to pioneer days, is interesting, but i am most intrigued by how flawless their skins are. even the oldest women among them, do not have a line or a wrinkle.

i have given this phenomenon a lot of thought and here is what i have come up with. for the past two days i have been stuck in my kitchen, peeling onions, chopping apples, boiling eggs, preparing chicken soup and matzoh balls and grinding fish for gefilte. i have been making brisket and chicken and potato kugel and my famous chocolate, caramel covered matzoh candy. (all right - if truth be told, the husband has done most of it, with the exception of the brisket, the hard boiled eggs and the candy) but i have had to do all the cleaning up. scrubbing gefilte fish encrusted pots is not an easy task. if only i had married a polygamist, i would have had six or eight sister wives to help out in the kitchen, not to mention the bedroom. no wonder these women look so good. they don't have a line on their faces because they have nothing to do and nothing to worry about. six women catering to one man is a snap. o.k., i know they each have about fourteen children, but let's face it, if you marry your daughters off at twelve, you never have to go through that pesky adolescence period with them. let their husbands worry about that.

so next year, before passover, i am thinking about encouraging the husband to take on another wife or two. we can keep them around until after the first seder. if it doesn't work out we can just place an anonymous phone call charging abuse and someone will come and take them away. another perfect solution and think of all the money i will save on botox!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

think sous chefs, rather than wives. can I have the chocolate/caramel matzah recipe?

Rebecca said...

I call my recipe: Chocolate Matzah Buttercrunch. And it's all the rage at my mostly non-Jewish workplace.
As for the compound, I heard a phone-in comment on NPR that this is their culture and we shouldn't discriminate...except that they are committing statutory rape and child molestation. I would hope there would be an outcry from the official Mormon Church, has there been anything?
Gawd forbid this happen to my People, we would have it analyzed to death and a campaign set up in our grandparents' names to make sure the kids get proper orthodontic care and the best Jewish Day School education.