Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Do you put off cleaning your jacket because you have to reattach all the medals? and other questions I'd ask Petraeus...by Sybil Sage

It's not that Carl Levin and others aren't asking the tough questions, but they're not the ones I'd put to General Petraeus, which are:

1) Do you put off having your jacket cleaned because it involves reattaching all those medals?

2) Are you aware that during the hearings, as we're trying to weigh the number of American and Iraqi casualties against the charts behind you supporting that the surge is working, the crawl with "breaking news" is alerting us that super-model Naomi Campbell has been banned from flying British Airlines because she assaulted an officer at Heathrow?

3) Do you worry that TV makes you look ten pounds heavier?

4) Given that countries with Four Seasons Hotels don't appear to have political unrest, has it occurred to you to invite them to put up a resort?

5) I might have asked, "Why is it we're paying Iraqis with American dollars to clean up their towns, instead of them paying for it?" but I know from the memo Carl Levin sent out today that he'd be asking that as well as the answer given by an Iraqi, which was, "As long as you are willing to pay for the clean-up, why should we do it?" Or maybe it's not an issue since the American dollar is now worthless.

6) Don't you wish there were synonyms for the word, "challenge", so you wouldn't have to use it so often when talking about the obstacles facing us in Iraq?

7) Is it okay with you that two rows behind you a man isn't listening and looks to be text messaging?

8) On this, the 5th anniversary of the removal of the statue of Saddam, has anyone - and you can be honest with me - had the thought, "How about we put the statue back where it had been, find the look-alike who doubled for the dictator, say we hung the wrong guy, give the country back to him and get the hell out?"

9) Do you ever feel like a married guy trying to persuade his girlfriend to hang in, year after year, by saying, "We're making progress. Just give it a little more time?"

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