Tuesday, April 15, 2008

dem bones...by judi sadowsky

yesterday i went for my yearly check up with the gynecologist. after all these years i know the drill, so on entering the exam room i stripped down to nothing and attempted to cover myself with two paper towels that the nurse, with a straight face, actually referred to as "drapes". after she to told me to "hop on up" she left the room. i am afraid that my "hopping on up" days are over, but i did manage to climb onto the exam table and then begin the worst part of the visit - the waiting. there i sat, half naked, no, let's be honest, totally naked, freezing and trying to stem the mind numbing boredom with a two year old issue of family circle. did you know that kathy lee gifford actually cooks dinner for her family every night?

finally, the doctor arrived. she did her thing and was pleased to announce that everything was exactly where it was supposed to be and nothing new had been added since my last visit. she told me to get dressed and go into the other room for a bone scan. i did as i was told and soon i was lying on a table, laying my bones bare to the magic machine.

twenty minutes later the doctor came out with the results. "it seems" she said "that you have the hip bones of a teenager". i assumed that that was a good thing and, let me just add, that any time someone mentions my hips in the same sentence as teenager, i am a happy girl. "unfortunately", she went on "you have the spine of an eighty year old". that didn't sound so good, but always one to look on the bright side i told the doctor not to worry. before she knew it i would be eighty and then my spine and i will once again be in sync. she was not amused.

so now i am on boniva. sally field and i, besides both of us wanting to be universally loved, finally have something in common. my doctor assures me that with boniva, calcium and continued exercise, my spine will eventually catch up with my hips. i hope so, because now that i know how young they are, my hips are ready to rock and roll.