Thursday, January 24, 2008

old and overweight - what's a girl to do?

while we are on the subject of doctors - i finally went to see a pulmonologist after coughing for the last three months. my internist recommended this man and said he was very good and had been practicing for a long time. what she didn't tell me was that he was one hundred and two years old and deaf as a stone. while he was examining me he took out his hearing aids - both of them - in order to use the stethoscope - and declared my chest clear. i don't know, call me crazy, but if this man needed two hearing aids in order to hear me speak, how in the world could he hear a wheeze in my chest without them?

he prescribed an antibiotic and some steroids. then he asked me if i had had a flu shot. i said "no." he had a blank look on his face and so i said "no" again. still nothing. then i shouted "NOOOOOO". he heard, me but the shouting brought on a coughing fit. "how old are you?" he asked. i shouted my age and he smiled. "you need to get a flu shot. when they say old people need to get a flu shot every year, they mean you. you are an old person." now, compared to him i am brittany spears, but none the less i felt old.

between american airlines telling me i am overweight and this ancient man telling me i am old, it just doesn't seem to pay to go out any more. from now on, i plan to stay home, eat cookies and cough to my heart's content.