Thursday, October 11, 2007

Test: Are You Fully Grown Up?

I love taking tests, not the pop quizzes teachers spring on you to see if you've done the reading nor those high-stress exams they warn, “will count for 70% of your grade”. The tests I find fun are the ones that count for nothing, like the daily AOL questions to see if you're at risk of Alzheimers or in agreement with most of the population about who won the last presidential debate.

Today I was polled to see if I feel Laura Bush was right to speak up about the civil rights abuses in Burma, which I do, but I wish it had been an essay, instead of multiple choice, so I could have added that she should have started by speaking to her husband about abuse of power. The next quiz to come my way was designed to help me figure out if I'm all grown up. It included:

Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

“I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”


There were others, but I came up with criteria of my own:

When you lie about your age, it's not so you can get served.

Late is 10 pm.

Fixing a computer involves money.

When you travel, the first thing you pack are your pills.

You’re shorter than what it says on your license.

You buy shoes for comfort.

The word “hormone" looks naked without “replacement”.

You steer clear of grapefruit juice because it's not compatible with Lipitor.

You're never expected to spend the night on a futon.

Your doctor calls you by your title.

You know how to drive a stick shift.

A million dollars sounds like a lot.

This type is hard to read.

You'd forgotten about pop quizzes.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

First, what are you doing up at 4:15 a.m. posting? Were you a) not yet asleep b) up early with angst and felt it could be alleviated by posting c) woke up to pee in the middle of the night and couldn't resist posting just once more d) unable to adjust your computer's clock since visiting Thailand and actually posted at 4:00 p.m.

Anonymous said...

Second, the quiz is spot on. But it delicately avoids aging queries regarding body hair and bowel habits which, let's face it, are sine qua non for all grown upitude.

Anonymous said...

Third, how relieved are you to see that you actually have someone posting to chat with you?
Signed,
a huge fan

Anonymous said...

Fourth, OKAY, MY posts are dated to L.A. time, 3 hours earlier than actually written, so I guess you were up at 7:15, which isn't early at all even for the somewhat grown up.

Sybil Adelman Sage said...

why are you all anonymous? I want face time.

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