Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Katie Couric and George Bush: off the record

It may be that neither was invited to any splashy Labor Day parties or that they're working to be taken more seriously and boost their sagging ratings, regardless, Katie and George flew to Iraq, where they met up and talked in a tent.

Katie is facing her one year review as CBS anchor while Bush has to get through 502 more days, regardless of how dismal the report from General Petraeus. The two were surely commiserating about their upcoming reports cards, and this is the conversation I imagine might have happened off the record:

“Do you ever wish you’d done anything differently?” the perky CBS anchor asks the prez, flashing her gummy, aren’t I adorable and non-threatening, smile.

“Nah, do you?” the ever-reflective leader of the free world would have replied, smirking his, I know better than all of you, attitude.

“I should have brought my hairdresser,” – Couric, lowering her voice. "Iraq is hell on hair. I see why everyone is wearing helmets".

“Hair is Condi's department. If you want a hair spray for all seasons, she's the one to ask." Dubya pauses, then adds, "At least, you can always show your legs. I have darn good legs, but a lotta good it does me” -- the prez in what's becoming perceived as his self-pity mode.

Katie would seize on the moment to ask, “But don’t you ever feel at all responsible for what’s gone down?”

“Heh, heh,” the leader of the free world smirks, “look who’s talkin'. You’ve blamed everyone from the network to the audience when things didn’ go your way”.

Katie, always more comfortable connecting than confronting, shrugs, pats his shoulder and says, “Well, I’m glad you get regular colonoscopies”. She pauses, allowing him to think on his feet, which has become increasingly more difficult, before realizing it's not going to happen. She continues, “If you think of a good way for me to end my show, please have your people call my people”.

I should be saying that to you!” W, pleased to have come up with a retort, starts off, then turns back to ask, “Do you happen to know of a good speaker’s agent?”

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