"It's good for you, it's bad for you" is the new, "He loves me, he loves me not"

Today's story is they may ban over-the-counter cold medications for children under 6. Do I have reason to worry retroactively about my 24-year-old son, to whom I gave Triaminic? Why didn't they do this study years ago, instead of putting things on the shelves only to reassess them later on?

How do we know what to believe? Bacon is good if you’re on the Atkins diet, bad if you’re not. Three cups of coffee a day cuts a woman’s chances of colon cancer by half while doing nothing for men. Vitamin C and Gingko, once all the rage, have fallen out of favor. If you're in New Jersey, this week's threat is chopped beef. Red wine is good for the heart, certainly if you’re a lab rat, less so if you’re a post-menopausal woman, who should have no more than one glass a day. Protect yourself from bugs with Deet, even though it’s toxic. Sugar substitutes may be more harmful than sugar. Eat fish at least twice weekly for a healthy heart unless you live in New York, in which case expect elevated mercury levels. Aerobic exercise! Good for everyone, right? Not quite. Repetitive motion can damage your joints.

Nothing is for sure except that red meat, processed foods, partially hydrogenated fats and soda (including diet soda) are said by pretty much everyone who gets to say these things to be bad with the hot dog being the trash can of the food chain. Darkly colored fruits and dark chocolate provide anti-oxidants. Both taste good so expect the news to change and show them to be the cause of chronic fatigue or restless leg syndrome.

It's hard to feel confident in a country when you can't trust the Food and Drug Administration anymore than you do Homeland Security. If you're not worried enough about what you're putting into your body, consider the answer given to the question, "Would terrorists be able to ship plutonium into the United States?"

"Yes, by hiding it in marijuana".

And that's not a joke. The smell of weed apparently masks that of plutonium. Marijuana smokers, not only are you in danger of getting busted, but you may be inhaling plutonium.