there is a new millionaire in town and his name is trouble. no, i am not speaking of one of the many hedge fund boys who are spreading their bonuses around like drunken sailors, or one of the trump children suddenly coming into an inheritance, this guy's name is trouble. trouble helmsley, the eight year old dog of leona helmsley has just been left twelve million dollars by his late owner. in dog years, trouble is 56 years old - certainly old enough, one would think, to come into a large sum of money without it turning his furry little head, but i do worry.
up until now, trouble has led a fairly quiet, sheltered life. all that is about to change. suddenly, trouble is going to need an entourage -- an accountant, a business manager, a personal assistant and a hairdresser, just to name of few of the many minions a dog of his wealth will require to make his days livable. i am sure he will get excellent care and good financial advice. i am more worried about the other changes that are about to take place in trouble's life.
first off, mrs. helmsley has only been dead a few days and yet i just know that the blind item i read on page six, about a new dog in town, couldn't have referred to anyone other than trouble. soon trouble will start being sighted in all the hot clubs around town - a poodle on each arm and then we all know what's coming next - rehab.
i am most concerned about trouble's home life. since he was a tiny pup he has been surrounded by the warmth and love of his owner, "the queen of mean," and now, suddenly he is one lonely puppy. he will be looking for love in all the wrong places. a scheming spaniel or a sexy siberian could have him under her paw with just one well placed sniff or lick and then where will trouble be? does the name anna nicole ring a bell?
i really think leona should have thought twice before burdening her beloved trouble with such wealth. we all know money can't buy happiness, although in trouble's case it sure can purchase a carload of chew toys.