yesterday, the new york times printed a very long article on chelsea clinton. while listing her accomplishments and credentials, the main gist of the piece seemed to be, that if all goes as planned for her mother, chelsea will be the first, first child to be the first child twice with two different parents.
now, i am sure that chelsea clinton is a very nice girl. she did go to stanford and oxford and has never once been photographed exiting a limo without her undies on, or driving drunk the wrong way on a freeway. even her romances have managed to be, for the most part, conducted under the radar. she seems to be the kind of daughter that would never forget a birthday or a mother's day and even seemed to remain neutral during her parent's very public marital troubles. so what's my problem?
well, i have a daughter as well. joanna. a very sweet, smart and beautiful young lady. instead of stanford she went to the culinary institute of america, hyde park (considered by many to be the harvard of cooking schools) and in lieu of a career in finance, she has become a talented and accomplished artist who could, with one hand, out fillet and souffle chelsea in a new york minute. i know it isn't right to compare children but i just don't think it is fair that chelsea would get to be first daughter twice, while my darling, little one has never once had a chance in that role.
here's what i propose. all children of candidates over the age of 21 should have to audition for the role of first child. after all, we the american people don't get to vote for these offspring and yet, so often, it is our tax dollars that are supporting them. the contest could be based on an american idol format. we could have auditions all across this great nation of ours and then narrow it down to a final few. each week, after competing in a series of contests (i suggest cooking to be one) america will vote to eliminate one contestant. at the end of a month, we will have a new first child.
i hope, if ms. clinton is reading this, she does not take offense. this is not personal. it is just that i think we should all practice the simple rules we learned in kindergarten. i am sure, that even at that early age, chelsea was a good student and hasn't yet forgotten that cardinal rule - everybody gets a turn.