Monday, August 27, 2007

beyond bed, bath and beyond

the husband and i were hosting a house guest - a beloved friend who we never get to see often enough. she was due to leave on friday but, to our total delight, she decided to stay an extra day. the only glitch in that plan was that our son was planning to spend the night as well and we had only one bed for the two of them. our guest house was empty and available for our son but there was no bed. being the ever practical and resourceful mother that i am, i took myself over to our nearest bed, bath and beyond (just what does beyond mean?) and bought a remote control blow up bed. it comes with it's own blow up "box spring", mattress cover and even it's own little white cotton skirt to cover the "box spring". i wasn't sure how well our six foot son would fare on such a thing but i figured it was better than sleeping on the floor.

after i had managed to wrestle the giant blow up bed into my cart i couldn't help but look around at all the other wonders bed, bath and beyond had to offer. you have to hand it to the bed, bath and beyond folks. i have never walked into that store for one item without walking out with twelve. and those little 20% off coupons that come in the mail every week are just too hard to resist. i don't care that they mark up all their merchandise 20% before they give you the 20% discount, it just feels so good when you go to pay and it is always less than you think it is going to be.

so there i was with a giant blow up bed. now, i needed sheets, a pillow and pillow cases to go with said bed. in order to make up for the fact that i was making my grown son sleep on a blow up bed i decided to splurge and buy him sheets with a 250 thread count. what a mom. and then i remembered i needed some guest towels for the powder room. at that point i almost made it to the cash register when a wondrous thing caught my eye.

sitting on it's own little pedestal was a chrome and glass scale. it shined, it gleamed, i think it even winked at me. this was not just an ordinary scale, this scale not only measured your weight in pounds, it also measured your body fat weight, your body fat percentage, your body water and your bone mass. i was intrigued and with my handy little 20% off coupon it would barely put a dent in my wallet. i snatched up the scale and ran to the checkout out counter. i could hardly wait to get home. i had work to do. first i had to blow up the blow up bed. then i had to wash the new sheets and pillowcases ( my son doesn't like to sleep on sheets that haven't been washed once - i know, i know, it's my fault), and make the new bed, put out the guest towels in the powder room and then finally i would get to strip off all my clothing, watch and earrings included, and step on my brand new scale.

as i was unloading my purchases the husband walked in. i showed him the blow up bed, sheets and guest towels. "what's that?" he asked pointing at the wonder scale. "it's a new scale" i answered. "what's wrong with he old scale?" he questioned. i wanted to be honest so i told him "the old scale just hasn't been losing any weight". it took him a second before he burst out laughing. it took me another second to realize what i had said and to join him in the hysteria.

after we stopped laughing, i took the new sheets out of the dryer, blew up the bed and made it then went to weight myself. in spite of all the bells and whistles ( and the bright red tag that warns pregnant women and people with pace makers never to put even one foot on the scale) i still weighed exactly the same. i decided that, rather return it it i would give the scale one more chance.

the next morning when my son told me the blow up bed, while not the most comfortable was also not the worst thing he had ever slept on, i was encouraged. once again i went to weigh myself. i still weighed exactly same the same but there seemed to have been a slight change in my body water, percentage of body fat and a tiny decrease in my bone mass. i have no idea what any of this really means but i will not give up on this scale. at least not yet. for now - i will do what i have always done when i think i have gained weight. i will try on my skinny jeans. while these pants don't shine, gleam or even wink they never fail me.