Thursday, July 19, 2007

you have not heard the last of this

sybil may scoff at the loss of #30 but i am not going quietly in to the night on this one. yes, the loss of a neighborhood deli is devastating. believe it or not, even out here in the wasteland, we have beloved establishments that go out of business, but one can not - i repeat, not - compare the loss of a hot pastrami sandwich to the loss of one's facial identity. without #30 i am no one. thank god i saved my enormous tortoise shell sunglasses from the kennedy years, otherwise i would be house bound for sure.

i don't mean to be insensitive, but in a city like new york, there is a deli on every corner. there are whole neighborhoods devoted to deli. you can not walk six blocks in any direction without a whiff of dill pickle assaulting your nose. but #30. where or where do you replace #30?

thanks to my enormous success in taking on subzero (all due to sybil's tutorial in how to get large corporations to do what you ask of them) i have contacted chanel. i reached the customer service department and was immediately connected to a service representative. "hello, my name is chanel. how may i help you?" i was stunned. "is your name really chanel?" "everyone asks me that question". i wonder why. well once we established that chanel was indeed her given name (which is why i guess she is not a customer service representative for elizabeth arden) i told her my sad story about the loss of #30. she understood. she sympathized. chanel was a girl with a heart. she even shared with me that the very same thing had happened with her favorite lipstick. even chanel had been let down by chanel.

chanel asked me to give her the exact name of my eye shadow. "just read me everything that is written on the bottom of the bottle". i had to ask her to hang on while i unearthed the magnifying glass from the bottom of the desk drawer. i read her every last word, written in itty bitty print, on the label. none of it was ringing a bell for chanel. but she was a trooper. she was not willing to give up. she took my name, address and email and said she would get back to me in a day or two after she had had a chance to do some research. in the meanwhile, chanel said she would send me some samples of the newest make-up. i thanked her and hung up.

it wasn't until much later that i had an epiphany. if i needed a magnifying glass to read the label on my eye shadow, it probably wouldn't be much longer before it won't matter to me whether my lids are sporting #30 or #27. i thought about calling chanel back and telling her not to go to all that trouble, but then i thought about her free make-up offer. after all, i may be blind but i am not dead.

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