Monday, June 25, 2007

how old am i, anyway?

about six months ago i started to receive "more" magazine in the mail. i have no memory of subscribing to it but regardless of that, every other month it arrives. for those of you who have never heard of "more", it bills itself as a magazine that has "smart talk for smart women". what they don't say on the cover is that it is aimed at smart women over forty. i don't know what magazine smart women under forty are reading, but maybe those smart women are too smart to read anything that tells them it is for smart women only. i mean , if you are really smart, do you actually need to be told that or aren't you smart enough to pick out appropriate reading material for yourself? but i digress.

so far, every edition of "more" has told me, in one way or another, that 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50 and, well, you get the point. now here is my question. if this is true, than what is 10, the new newborn? and if indeed 40 is the new 30, for example, does that mean that all the stupid mistakes and bad choices i made at 30, i am doomed to repeat ten years later, at 40? i am very confused. this is a magazine celebrating the older woman, while at the same time telling her that she is not really as old as she, or her birth certificate, think.

in addition to the age confusion thing, every issue of this magazine also includes at least one article about a grandmother who has scaled the face of the highest mountain in chile, rowed alone down the entire course of the river nile or, after taking up swimming in her backyard pool, competing in the olympic trials. interspersed between those articles of aging daring do, there is always, at least one story of a retirement age woman who started a multi-million dollar business in her garage/attic/basement. if all of the above were not enough to intimidate the average, over 40 woman, who has her hands full just holding down a regular job, taking care of her teenage children, her husband, the dog, cat and ailing goldfish, "more" magazine has a fashion section dedicated to and directed at, you guessed, women over forty. and i will let you guess again. just what do you think "more" has us aging beauties dressed in? sleeveless minis, skinny jeans , leopard skin prints and sling back heels.

i don't want to meet any of these "more" women. i know for sure i would hate them. i know this magazine's intent is to bolster the self-esteem of all of us baby boomers and above, but i think the editors should take a page from my mother's book. my mother, who is dead, (dead being the new 80) always said, that in most situations in life, less is more.

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